The Little Zionist

I was in a taxi in Jerusalem speaking to Blade on my Israeli telephone at a cost of three hundred pounds an hour. I put down my Israeli telephone and chatted to the taxi driver, which was free. The nice driver offered me a simple Hebrew newspaper, which I glanced at, pretending to read it in order that he would not read it whilst driving one-handed. We talked about some new flats that had been built on a big ridge that reared up beside the road. I finally established that they were nice flats for rich people. The conversation was somewhat stilted. We then began talking about the situation in Gaza, which was mentioned in the newpaper he had given me. I suggested that perhaps all the Arabs would kill each other. He expressed the desire that they would do so. We then drove on to the railway station, from where I caught the train to visit my friend binyaminah, with whom I had an excellent time.

Blade and I were in a taxi to Cambridge station very early in the morning as I was on my way to Israel. The taxi driver was hideous, and not at all like my righteous Liverpudlians mentioned below. He attempted to make smalltalk as Cambridge taxi drivers sometimes do. He asked where we were going. Blade foolishly told him I was flying to the holy land - to palestine. It then transpired that he too had been to the holy land - to palestine. Blade and I thought this somewhat odd, something Blade expressed by subtly poking me in the side and squeezing my hand. As if I had not noticed this oddness of this man’s visit. We asked for further details and learned that the hideous man had run out of money when travelling ‘around europe’ and ended up in the holy land - in palestine. He said he had an awful time there, and was kind enough to dispense some advice about how best to make my visit bearable. I will list the advice in easily-degistible bullet-points below*:

1. Arabs offer the best hospitality in the world - especially coffee.
2. Israelis are arrogant people.
3. Israelis will not look after you, they will only look after their own.
4. Israelis are oppressing the palestinian [sic] people.
5. Stick to the Arab areas and you will be fine.

*This advice can be made more generally applicable by inserting the word ‘Jew’ where ‘Israeli’ appears.

Blade expressed his incredulity, and mild excitement at meeting a real-life antisemite, in the same way as described above. I did not tip the man.